Doing Parts Work with Derek Scott (#2 of 3 videos)

Helpful demo of parts work. Second in series of three.

Video Transcript

He says he doesn't believe me. He says I'm 15. That's funny. So maybe show him how your life has changed since 15, who you are now, the events in your life since then. Okay, yeah. So I'm showing him images since 15 of my life. He's surprised, but he's okay. Okay, now he said to me that his best friend didn't support him. Just that Brad doesn't support me, him. Take a moment to appreciate this part and how it's been protecting you for so long. Just let it know you are grateful for that. Okay, and now can it let you connect to the part that's protecting you? Yes, yeah, he's saying yes.

There's a part that's feeling alone, worried about being gay. Oh, that must be why the other part gets so mad at Brad. That angry part is because this part is feeling so bad. That makes total sense. And it wants Brad to change so that I can feel better. Of course, is that right? So can you ask this thinking or figuring-it-out part if it can come back later, and is it okay to come back to the part that's feeling alone and worried? Okay, yeah, yeah, yes. I'm just letting that part know that I hear it and it gets better. Mm-hmm, yeah. This sounds like a part that wants to reassure him. So, could you let this part know that you get how well-intentioned it is and then see if it's okay for this part to just step aside so that we can keep working with this other part, maybe help them out? Yeah, okay, yeah, but I've got a collection in here. You do? How do you feel? Suppose this teenage part. Mm, have an embarrassed part telling me I should be over this by now. Okay, so maybe let that embarrassed part know it doesn't need to stick around here and be embarrassed. It can go somewhere else if it would like to, a park or a beach. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, it's gone. Yeah, okay, I didn't know I could do that, right? Thanks.

All right, I'm back to this 15-year-old now. So I'm just letting him know that I know he's having a hard time, but other kids have it a lot worse. What, worse than him? It sounds like this is a part that's maybe wanting to comfort him by minimizing his distress. Can you ask it to step aside or maybe go to a waiting room? Well, I mean, it really wasn't that bad. I never got hit or anything like some of the other kids did. Okay, so that part doesn't want to step aside, which is fine.

Can you ask it what it thinks might happen though if it does what it's concerned about, letting you come back to this other part? It says it'll just be a big pity party, that's what it's saying, right? And then what might happen? It says I'll be sobbing on the floor. So, it sounds like it's concerned you might become overwhelmed by the other part. Does that make sense to you? Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Good, let it know.

Okay, now I asked it, how would it be for this part if we could get the information from the other part without you being overwhelmed? Would that be okay? It says, yeah, that'd be fine. Yeah, all right. So, can you let the alone and worried part know that you get that it has really big feelings and that it's not going to be helpful if it floods you? You won't be able to stay with it if it floods you, and it doesn't need to flood you to get your attention. In fact, if it steps back a little bit, you can see it more clearly. So, just ask it to do that and see if this protector is okay now with you coming back to this part. Mm, this is telling me it's skeptical. All right. So, as this protector if it's willing to monitor what goes on and to step in and shut down the communication if it looks like you're gonna be overwhelmed, is it okay for it to do that? Okay, yeah. That's good.

With that, oh, okay. So now, this is the 15-year-old. This part is showing me it's sitting on its hands, but I don't know what that's meant to mean. Okay, so let it know that you're not clear and see if it can show you more or give you the information in a different way, maybe. Okay, oh, okay. Oh, okay, right, right. So, show me the guy at the library who's gay and he waved his hands around the whole time when he talks. Oh, I get it. Okay, so this part is worried that if he talks and uses his hands to express himself, that people are gonna realize that he's gay, he's gonna be found out. Okay, okay, 'cause he's only, he's letting me know he's only come out to Kim. Kim's his best friend. That's what this part's connected to.

Oh, okay, so, oh, all right. So, this, he's telling me this, but he gets frightened, there's like a lot of fear. There's a lot of fear, he says when he comes home, his dad makes gay jokes and his mom keeps asking him about girls. "You have a girlfriend? What about your friend Sarah?" Oh, okay. Oh, okay, and he's really, really lonely. Really lonely. He's telling me things about killing himself, and he thinks he's disgusting because he likes other boys. I'm just letting you know that he's not, there's nothing disgusting around there. Just see if it's okay for the part of you that wants to make him feel better to let you stay connected with them. All right, yeah, it says okay. Okay, okay.

Okay, now he's telling me he's mad at me. Wants to know where I've been, how come I haven't been around. How do you want to respond when he tells you that? This might be another part, I'm not sure, but I want to tell him it's okay to be mad. If he could be mad at me, 'cause I want to be his friend. Sounds like his anger's activated a protective part of you that has to protect you before allowing you back in. Oh, okay, okay, you got it. Yes, yeah. Okay, so, I'm telling him I'm sorry that I wasn't around back then, but I'm here now. Yeah, and he's, he's okay with that. Yeah, oh god, he just feels so badly about himself. I feel so ashamed. I'm letting him know I get it. Okay, he's got in this thing for nose enough, great, good.

Okay, how long has he felt ashamed for? Can you ask him? Okay, there's a long time. Okay, he's showing me my sister's sixth birthday. I would have been five, so he's five, and he wanted to play with her doll. She got this doll that he liked for her birthday, so he hid it. He hid it in his room so he can play with it later. Okay, and then his mom found the doll, and then she started screaming at him, she started shouting at him. Don't get anything else. It's like it's gone blank again. So, can you see what this blanking part's concern is? How come it came in right now? Okay, yeah. So, this blanking part is saying, "For if I get to know this part better, this part that's been treated badly by mom, then it's worried that I'm gonna have to confront them, know about it, about how she treated me when I was six. And this part doesn't want to bring any more stress into mom's life. So, that's why I blank out." Okay, that's great.

So, can you let this part know, though, though all we're doing is getting to know your system internally, and there are not gonna be any changes in the external world unless the entire system, the majority of the system thinks it's a good idea to do that, and then that's a separate negotiation. But what we're doing right now is simply getting to know the internal world. And in fact, the part that's so concerned about changes in external relationships, it can have the final say about whether that happens or not. See if it's okay with that assurance and then to allow us to continue.