Doing 'Parts' Work with Derek Scott (#1 of 3 videos)

This is a straightforward video about actually doing Internal Family Systems parts work. Less than 10 minutes. Thanks Derek Scott.

Video Transcript

Hello, my name is Derrick Scott. I'm a psychotherapist and a registered social worker. I recently received a call from a woman who wanted to know how she could work with her own personality system. She thought that a therapist doesn't have access to an IFS therapist, so I'm putting this video together to help people in those situations. If you have a therapist who is not available for you or if you can't afford a therapist, then this video is meant to get you started working with your own system. If you're not familiar with the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of the personality, please have a look at "Understanding the Personality System," which is available on YouTube.

If you've had a few sessions with an IFS therapist and you're not able to continue, then you've already got the ball rolling, you've started. This video may be helpful for you too. One of the nice things about this model is that it doesn't foster dependence on the therapist. You're able to inquire of your own system and not rely on a therapist, because in this model, you can provide for your own parts. Some people's systems need the extra boost of a therapist to help them get going, and some people's systems don't. So, as you explore your system, you'll get a sense of that for yourself.

Now, in this video, I'm only showing the steps that would typically be undertaken when you're working with your parts. Don't expect your system to move as readily or rapidly as shown here. Every person's system is different. Quite often, people ask how to get started, but skepticism might get in the way. A skeptical part might say, "There is no self," or "I don't have self-energy," or "There aren't all these different parts." If you have a skeptical part, bring curiosity to it. What if there were different parts? What if you did have self-energy? If you've ever been curious about why you do what you do, or why other people do what they do, or if you've ever cared about somebody else's pain, that's what we're talking about. Curious and compassionate. You have that capacity, you have self-energy.

So, the goals of doing this work are paying attention to your own system, having more balance and harmony within the system, and allowing more of that self-energy to be present more often. Part of the way we do that is by letting your parts know that you're there. It's that simple. You might start appreciating the different parts that you have. For example, when you tie your shoes, that's a shoe-tying part, and that part worked really hard to learn how to tie shoes, probably when you were five or six. You can simply thank it. Thank the part for tying your shoes. Thank the part that handles your banking. Thank the part that gets you out to work in the morning. Whatever you do in the morning, just offer appreciation to the different parts of you as you notice them during the day. Thank your planning parts, thank the parts that plan your vacation, thank the parts that help you parent. Whatever your parts do, just offer them appreciation now and again. It will bring more of your self-energy into your system, and your parts will begin to recognize that you're there.

Now, what's helpful to understand in this model is that there are no bad parts. There might be parts in extreme roles, and there might be parts that other parts judge and don't think are very good. But there are no parts in your system that have a bad intent for you. Once you understand their intent, especially if you're curious about it, they'll let you know how they intend to benefit you. Some parts might be in extreme places, holding burdens, those are beliefs or feelings which are harmful to them, and you may be able to help them release those. If you can't, don't worry about it, but if you're able to, that's good. Often, these beliefs are taken on very young by parts that feel they're not good enough or unworthy. And what we call low self-esteem is that part that holds that belief about itself, and quite often, it takes over the system.

Now, you might want to watch this video several times, as you'll notice different parts. Probably, while watching it, your system might have some parts that show up. I often have a skeptical part, so it looks and goes, "What's this guy talking about?" That's my critical, that's my skeptical part. So, this video is really designed to help you look at your own system and some of the common protector concerns that don't allow you to get in touch with some of your more vulnerable parts.

This video is really about the flow of what a session would look like if you were working with a therapist. Now, "Manifesting Your PUs" is essentially a parts detector. So, the role of the therapist is to help you recognize when there's a part that's present and there's not as much self-energy around, when there's sufficient curiosity or compassion to allow other parts to be heard, which is what they need. They need to be heard by you. Then, the work just flows.

So, what you'll notice in this video is me in the therapist's role, coming in to help me, in the client role, identify whenever parts are present and not allowing access to the other parts that are trying to get the attention of me with self-energy. So, here, getting to work with your parts, it's a good idea to set aside some time and find a quiet space to do this. You might want to do this as a meditation.

Okay, here comes the video. Okay, so I'll tell you why I wanted to see you this week. My boyfriend's driving me completely crazy, just crazy. So, you know, I got really mad at him, real angry at him because he complained about going to my mother's for her birthday. And it's once a year, and it's my mother, and if I don't go, she'd be crazy, right? So, he doesn't seem to get that it's just ugly mad. So, we had a big fight, and I mean, I get that his parents don't speak to him and that that's hard for him, but he just... I need, I need him to get this. It's once a year, so driving me crazy. And then later, I felt like I was just being really mean by insisting, and I felt really guilty. And he's just... he's driving me crazy, doesn't get it.

So, it sounds like a part of you got mad at him, and then another part of you told you that you shouldn't have done that, right? Well, yeah. Then he gives me this big puppy-dog eyes, and then I feel bad. But if you don't go, my mom gets upset. So, who do I upset? Him or my mother? I can't win. And I know I shouldn't get mad. And that part's saying you shouldn't get mad. Is it okay if we get to know that angry part better? Oh, I know all about that anger. If I have to rein that angry part in most of the time.

Okay, I get that this part thinks that it knows all about the angry part, but would it be okay to just bring some attention to it anyway? Okay, yeah. Okay, would be fine. Okay, so where abouts do you notice this angry part in or around your body? Mmm, around my shoulders and neck, all around here. That's where it is, real tight. Feel it, angry? Okay, now notice how you feel towards this angry part. No, I don't like it. It causes all these fights, and I just wish it wouldn't. Okay, so here's a part that doesn't like it. Would it be okay for that part to step aside, to maybe hang out with the other one? Mm, okay, I guess, yeah. Okay, now I'm wondering why I get so mad. Okay, tell me. The part just gets how important my mother is to me. That's all. What it's saying is if he realized how important my mother is to me, then we wouldn't have to have these huge fights every time we do something with her.

That sounds like you're hearing this part. Does what it says make sense to you? Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. Okay, so let it know that it makes sense to you, and then see if there's anything else it would like to let you know about itself. Maybe how long it's been around in your system. Well, that's odd. I'm hearing for a long time. It says since I was 15. Oh, that's gone. I can't hear it anymore. Okay, what do you notice when you focus on it? Nothing, just blank. Okay, is it okay for this blanking part to let you come back to the 15-year-old? Okay, yeah, 15. Okay, he's telling me about being teased at school and being mad at his friend who wouldn't stand up for him. That's what he's showing me. Does he know you're listening to him? You know, I think so. I think he knows. So just let him know that you're there and... I don't know who you are, and let it know how old you are.