Recorded after his first IFS session...
12 minutes about how a client feels after his first IFS session--a bit rambling, but worth it.
Video Transcript
This is where I'll be trying to find myself. For many years, I didn't know I was lost. At some point, I finally can't wish him down and ask myself, "Let me bust someone seven years ago, sending overseas, so about eight years ago, lots of us." What am I apologizing for? The video wasn't there.
What do I mean by "I lost myself"? So, in 2008, emotionally, I disappeared. I was no longer used to produce. I mean, I was still that guy, but I was no longer emotionally here.
[Music]
But I started this channel today to talk about what I'm doing to find myself, what I'm doing to help me find myself. So, starting on to a therapist or what's called internal family systems. There is you wanted over really more information about it and what I gave you, so a quick synopsis or a quick summary. I invest in internal family systems therapy. It's therapy where you get in touch with your psyche, you get in touch with your, as they call it in IFS, parts.
So let me give you an example. There are two types of parts: you have protector parts, you have the exiles. Within the protective part, there are two types: managers and there are firefighters. So, you have managers, protectors, and you have exiles.
Starting with the exiles, the exile parts, those parts that have gone from a traumatic enough experience. One of my parts, one of my exiles, when I was a child, all kinds of things were going on in my family at the time, and I wasn't what you would consider terrible. All kinds of bad things, I won't really get into detail, but it left me in a place where the other kids pretty much cruel to me. And so, I had to deal with that as a child, and as a child, you don't know how to deal with those things. So what happens is you carry that traumatic experience in life, and if you don't nurture, so to speak, at some point in life, it becomes a burden.
And what happens is your other parts, your managers and your protectors, then you can keep one to protect you. Your managers and your firefighters, excuse me, big kicks in the butt to protect you. And they do things like let's say, for instance, as a grown person, you're very self-critical. Being self-critical is a good thing, it keeps you keep doing things right. You know, you do something, you criticize yourself, it can be constructive criticism. But when you have a childhood traumatic experience, you tend to distract yourself. We have a childhood dramatic experience, that critical part then does things like tell you you're no good at something, or you're bad at something, or you're especially a bet. They've been feeling that same feeling that you had when you were a child. It's real focus, it's real waiting for you anyway. Then your protective parts kick in and try to squash that feeling, firefighter. So that would be a manager part, self-critical would be a manager part, and since you've never learned how to deal with those feelings and you still hold on to them, never let go. So your manager part goes into autopilot after a while and whenever those feelings come up, you react in a certain way, you might react in a self-critical way, you might react in a fearful way, it all really depends on what traumatic experience you had as a child, as these parts are basically, I mean your firefighters basically. So just to make it short and sweet, your managers are your daily planners, they make sure that every step that you take is a good step and that keeps you away from that feeling. If that feeling arises, then your firefighter is there to kick in, they'll do things like have you go have a drink or get drunk to drink away the pain or take drugs, go onto some sexual behaviors just to push that feeling away.
What happened to me was my traumatic experience as a child I never dealt with. They were never nurtured and so what ended up actually happening is I came to a point of emotional apathy. For I was unavailable emotionally, in other words, I couldn't feel. It where most of you feel it in your heart. Some of you might not be feeling it because you might be viewing this video with a very particular reason. But I lost my emotions. I couldn't feel happiness, right, good, feel joy. It was no, there was a little sadness, but one might call it depression. But it was fleeting. Angry, mad, sad, happy, joy, passion, all of that just disappeared. Just left one day and couldn't figure out why. As I kept pushing away those things that needed to be nurtured away. So, all that, this is my second session at IFS, first session was sort of an evaluation session. Today's session, we looked at one of my exiles.
My hangouts with my first, yeah, amazingly I was skeptical about this but my therapist asked me to speak to one of our partners. I know it sounds weird, talking, basically speaking to yourself. I didn't speak in an audible voice, that's just looking weird. I know I can talk to myself but us, but I spoke in my head to that part, and I reassured that part, that part that was perfect. I reassured that part that, hey, no, it's okay, we got through this. And I also was told to share with that part parts of me later on in life that show positive instead of negative. And when I think there at that moment, something little, it was very subtle, a sense of something like that in me, but it was very sudden. And we continued to talk in a conversation and we got to some other parts and talked about some other things going on because there's still a lot of work to do.
But as I'm driving, I get a buzz right here. I have not felt that buzz in that way for that long and it may come back, I don't know. I have not felt, for seven years, in eight years, I'm sorry, in eight years, I have not felt that. I've been wanting to feel that feeling. It was a happy one and I wasn't, but it had me, you know, it had me in the car like I need to take this. So, that's why I'm doing this sharing with you guys my first IFS session, digging into some of my parts. So, I'm going to continue as I work through this. I invest in therapy to share some of the results that are happening with me. So, I can reflect back on therapy itself and as well, to help others to understand and to know that this very well-made form, again, I just felt something today being out of therapy that I haven't felt in eight years, man. Eight years, I was getting ready to go take all kinds of pills and medicines and stuff. So, I'm going to keep working at this because the program, you can actually do IFS therapy at home. The therapist helps to dig deeper, it was good to have a therapist, but you don't necessarily need, at least not to start. But a therapist, I see, definitely helps. She pointed out some things, she helped me to look at my inner part and to talk to my inner part up here and nurture, assure that inner part to, "Hey, we could be 39 now, not 13 and baby." That's what I wanted to share. One book that I started with, that found some of my parts through, generally, self-therapy is a good book, but the program itself, this is developed, originated is from Richard Schwartz, Google him, and you'll get all the information that you need. Hi, so this is where's ish, I'm right here. See you next time.
